Sometimes, you just feel like an ungrateful brat.

This weekend has been something that I've needed since I got here to Texas; it was everything I dreamed of, and more. Just being able to reach out and touch my husband while sleeping was surreal. I'm pretty sure I spent more time staring at him than I did sleeping! But that wasn't all. I got to spend time with my other loved ones that I left behind in California. I got to attend church back at the wonderful POM-YSA ward, and I even got to meet part of my new family! To be surrounded again by so much love has brought me so much comfort and helped to replenish my spirits. So I would like to thank everyone that I got to see this weekend, for helping make my trip so much more wonderful than what I imagined.

With even your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you, when it will yield the greatest advantage. Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes. That causes your faith to increase and your character to grow. - Elder Richard G. Scott

This was a quote that was read during a Relief Society lesson on Sunday, and it's not like the words and principles are new to me. But something about it struck a chord deep inside me that day, because I have a secret to confess. It kills me a little that my Kite and I didn't get married in the temple. Not so much because of the idea of getting married in the temple, but for the blessings that come from it. At the moment, getting sealed to him for eternity is probably my biggest desire. We went into our marriage knowing that if we had a civil marriage, we would be forced to wait a year until we would be allowed to enter the temple. Definitely not ideal, but when Heavenly Father tells you to get married, you get married. I'm not saying I'm unhappy with the choice that I've made or that I regret it (I never will), I'm saying that I didn't understand why Heavenly Father would tell us to do something when he knew my deepest desire was to be married for eternity.  We could have just waited until July to be married in the temple.

Slowly, but surely, His plan is unraveling. Kite and I just found out (from our wonderful YSA bishop) that because we got married before my one year anniversary of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we can get sealed as soon as the one year from my confirmation date passes. Guess who got baptized and confirmed on May 20, 2012?! We've both talked to our new bishops respectively, and they've come to a consensus that yes, our YSA bishop is correct, and we ARE able to be sealed. My biggest worries are being laid to rest. The date and location haven't been decided (we planned on the Oakland temple on July 20th, but it turns out the temple will be closed for six weeks starting in mid June) but we will get there. We won't have to wait a year in anticipation and uncertainty.

Kite mentioned that he had a feeling that if we didn't get married the day that we did, we probably wouldn't be together today, and I would have to completely agree. December definitely felt way too far away, but even if we decided to wait until July... I don't think it would have ever happened. We only just found out that the Oakland temple would be closed during July, so we wouldn't have been able to be married there at that time anyway. The date would have to be pushed back, and the more time that I'm given to contemplate on something, the bigger the chance of me turning it down and running away. I've got a rabbit-like skittish tendency. In the span of our less than three months of dating, I tried to break up with him at least three times already. Being in Texas alone and engaged, I would have definitely broken things off and just ignored his phone calls (I'll admit that the brat inside me has contemplated those thoughts very many times, but what kind of wife would I be to shut my husband out when he's only trying to make things better?). It would have been way too easy for me to push aside my fiancé.

So now I understand a little bit better, because if you think about it, the day that Rusty and I get sealed would very likely be the same date that we would have gotten married in the temple. Heavenly Father wasn't trying to deny me something I wanted when He told us to get married that day. He was merely making sure that my hands would be glued to Kite's string, so I wouldn't let go during the storms to come. God knows what I want. He knows my deepest desires. He also knows what's best for me. His answer might not be one that I like, or expect, but as long as I'm obedient, He will reward me in His own time. My Kite and I might not have waited until I was able to be endowed and married in the temple, but we don't have to wait a year to get sealed to each other either, and that's the best news of all.