Twelve days until eternity.

This morning, my Kite called me during church to tell me that the entire morning, he had been feeling weird. That he missed me, and not just in an "I miss you" sort of way. He really missed me. He missed me in a way that was more like he needed me. He needed me to be with him when he woke up in the mornings, and to be by his side.

It was really out of character for him. Not to say that he's not loving towards me or anything, but I'm usually the one that's an emotional wreck. When I see other couples together being cutesy and loving with each other, I have to focus my attention on something else, because it makes my heart ache. I honestly can't even fathom what it would be like to not have to catch a plane on Monday when the weekend is over. To not have to say goodbye. To sleep in and have lazy weekends, because we're not in a rush to do as much as we can together in the little time that we have. Sometimes, I think that it really sucks to be apart from my husband in our very first year of marriage. That it's not fair.

Then I remember how very blessed I am. How I found the love of my life at 21, and got happily married. How I've been receiving so much support and love from such wonderful friends and family. How even though we had a civil marriage, we're able to be sealed in the temple for eternity without waiting an entire year. How my orders got changed to Hawaii two hours before my plane took off. How if my orders didn't change, I'd have to reenlist for another three years just to be stationed in Hawaii (it's a three year commitment to be stationed in Hawaii) with my husband. How one year apart is so much better than two and a half with a reenlistment or three and a half years without. How it honestly could not have happened any other way, and even though it sucks, it's the very best hand we could have ever been dealt.

When I look back on everything... on how things happened and the way things played out, I know without a doubt that Rusty and I have been following the road that Heavenly Father had laid out for us. It's been so very hard to be apart from each other, but with every little miracle, I feel like Heavenly Father is whispering in my ear, "Keep going, you're on the right path."

Let's talk about sex.

I don't get it. I really don't. Why is it that the media gets bashed for flaunting skinny girls all over the cover of magazines, and labeling them as the perfect example of what women should look like, but sex is totally fine? Is it because being skinny puts down the self esteem of about 99% of the female population? Because I'm here to say that careless sex can do the same thing. What? You think that because someone has a sex life, that they're totally fine emotionally? Just go get laid! You'll feel better. Come on, ladies. Admit it, whether you want to or not. Sex MEANS something to you (I'm sure it means something to guys too, they're just less likely to admit it), one night stands are NOT okay. Get physical, and get attached. Careless sex is so damaging emotionally. Why are so many people letting it sell? Why is it okay?

Let it be known that I was a virgin until my husband and I got married. I was a virgin, and I was proud of it. I've always planned to be a virgin until I got married - even before I became a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Why? Because I would hate to let someone else have a part of me that I could NEVER get back, if things didn't work out.

Sex is great, I get it. It makes you feel wonderful, and sexy and wanted, and wonderful. It's the "cool" thing to do. What? You're a senior and still a virgin? Loser! I'm here to tell you that the media is wrong. Your peers are wrong. YOU are wrong, if you think having sex is just a hobby or something to do to get that feeling of exhilaration.

I'm not trying to give one of those holier-than-thou-it's-totally-against-the-ten-commandments type of talks. This is me speaking out as someone who believes in love, not just for myself, but for EVERYONE out there. If you're not a virgin, that's cool. If you like to have sex with a whole bunch of people, good for you. I'm not judging, it's not my place. Well - let's be honest, maybe I am a little. That's just a little gross, do you even know who your partner has been with? Anyway, what I DO want to get across with this post is this:

If I had sex with my husband and we broke up, there would be nothing left of me. Yes, I'm that emotionally pathetic, I'm not afraid to admit it. No, I won't buck up and be a woman of strong character. I will not hide away my feelings and pretend that I'm not hurt and dying inside while trying to cover it all up by having more sex with other people. I won't hide who I am (actually, I just might, with a little bit of alcohol), but others might. Trying to cover up their unhappiness and scars by delving deeper into self deprecation and building up walls around themselves.

Yes, sex is great. But it's so much more than that. It's something special. I know how corny I sound right now, but trust me on this. It means so much more than a one night stand. It's so much more than an experiment. It's so much more than a high that you get. It's you connecting with someone else, and showing your love for each other. It's about letting someone in and trusting them in your most vulnerable state. It's showing someone a part of you that not everyone gets to see. It's a way to show someone that you love them.

So please. I am begging all of you. Don't let the media win. Don't let careless sex sell. Don't let the teens out there think it's okay. Don't let yourself think it's okay. It's NOT.

Let the Countdown Begin!

First of all, thank you all so very much for the prayers and thoughts. I got word that our YSA ward in Monterey fasted for us on fast-Sunday. They are just too awesome! I'm currently in the barracks over here in Hawaii at the moment, I've finally figured out where I belong after rushing around in circles. I probably won't get to live in a house until my Kite gets here (I'll still try!!), but I haven't been this happy overall being apart from my husband since... ever. Texas really drained a lot from me, emotionally and spiritually. I really thought I would never get out of Texas, and here I am. Yet not only did I make it out of Texas, I got my orders changed two hours before my plane left. My life is truly filled with miracles, not just the small ones, but the big ones too. It amazes me everyday that Heavenly Father deems me worthy of the many blessings he's bestowed upon me. Then I thought about it some more, and realized that these miracles and blessings only happen because of you guys. I know that none of it would have been able to happen without the love, and support of you all, our family and friends.

I was unpacking my things last night, and decided to pull out the bag of memories that I saved up from when Rusty and I were dating. It's funny because I really didn't think that we could get any closer than we already were at the time. I didn't think it would be possible for me to love him even more than I did back then. There's definitely something different about loving your boyfriend, and loving your husband.

It's not letting the other person go to bed upset because of a disagreement, and taking care of the problem right away, no matter how annoyed or tired you are. It's waking up wishing you could poke and prod your spouse to see how annoying you can be before they pay you any attention and get up for the day. It's being honest with each other about anything and everything, letting them know what's going on inside your head even though they don't "need" to know. It's setting aside friends and social activities to spend time together, even though you're not doing anything special in particular but staring at each other through a phone. It's encouraging each other to do better, and be better, always conscious that the other person's opinion matters. It's knowing that no matter what happens, the two of you have vowed to spend the rest of your lives together and being aware of what that means.

In twenty days, Kite and I will be sealed for time and eternity. If I had no idea what marriage could do to our love for each other, I can't even imagine what being sealed will be like. Where we are today, and what our future holds, none of it would have been possible without the love, support, and guidance of our family, friends, and God. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart: thank you all so very much.

After our first weekend apart, I came home Sunday night to find this on my bed.

The Small Things

This post is gonna be short I suppose. I've been feeling grateful for the flood of blessings recently. Thanks for the prayers everyone. It's said that you don't understand what you have until it's gone. That's true. But it isn't true that we can't appreciate things while we have them. Even the small things.

Before you get married, you tend to (or at least I did) think of the big things. Wedding. Kids. Finances. Goals... And those are really important things to consider and discuss with your spouse. I've been so glad on several occasions that we figured most of those things out before tying the knot, because it has made a huge difference in our happiness as a married couple today. Being on the same page is SO IMPORTANT.

What I didn't think of though, are the things that've been on my mind lately. The small things. Before we were married, I didn't stop to consider the times I'd be sunburned and she'd tenderly cover me with Aloe Vera. Nor did I ever imagine I'd be staying up late with her on FaceTime when she's sick and can't sleep, knowing that I can't do anything for her but just give her my time. I skipped over thinking of the songs we'd sing in the car, or the long conversations we'd have. The inside jokes. The moral support. The fun we'd get out of making silly faces at each other. The way she'd remember my favorite appetizer, or the way I'd know her favorite TV shows. I couldn't have imagined these things before, and now that I have them, I don't want to let them slip away unnoticed. The small things. The things that make life worth living. Because at the end of the day, it isn't the car we bought (which I love, by the way), or how much we've got in our savings that really makes me happy. It's those little daily interactions that we take in our stride. Those are the things that bring me the joy I seek.

Thank God for the small things -- And for my Nana. Without her, I'd never enjoy them.

Please pray for us.

When I first got to Texas, I thought I made it very clear to my chain of command that I wanted to try and get stationed with my husband, and had asked everyone I could for advice on what to do to make that happen. Apparently that wasn't the case. Everyone I had talked to, my NCOs here and my future NCO in Colorado, had told me that it would be impossible and that I would have to suck it up and wait two years before being able to change duty stations in order to be with my husband."Shouldn't have married a Marine, Porter!" Of course I won't be taking no for an answer, Army protocol or not, there's always loop holes somewhere. So I figured I'll have to wait until I got out of training before I could actually make any progress.

About three weeks ago, my class and I were getting ready to process paperwork to leave training and had a briefing to attend. During that brief, one of my classmates who is an MOS Transfer (switching jobs and attending more training) had asked me why I didn't get my orders changed before arrival to my new duty station so I won't be locked in for the two years. He was shocked that no one had told me it was a possibility, and honestly, I was a bit miffed myself. So right away I brought it up to my chain of command, and after a week (my platoon sergeant was and still is extremely busy) we got the ball rolling. She made it clear that there were no promises that it will go through and get approved. Kite and I didn't have our hopes up anyway.

Then rumors started trickling in... another soldier had gotten married, and had his orders changed within 24 hours. I had gotten this news over the weekend. It had been a week and still no news on my paperwork. I honestly can't help but be frustrated. Why is it taking so long? It can't be because I'm so late in the game, this kid has his changed within 24 hours! Is it because my husband doesn't have his orders yet? Or maybe because he's a Marine and I'm a soldier? At the end of the day today, after uniform inspections, my platoon sergeant told me she wanted me in her office. Still, I didn't have my hopes up.

We had to resubmit the paperwork. Apparently because it goes up to the Department of the Army, my commander can only recommend approval, and not actually approve it. She assured me that she would do her best to fight tooth and nail for me if she had to, in the time that we have until I leave (THURSDAY!!!) and again told me not to get my hopes up -- they weren't. She didn't want to disappoint me.

So this is where the story ends, and where I asked for your prayers. I'm not usually one to ask for help (just ask my husband, he gets frustrated with me all the time), but I feel like I would be more at peace with the outcome. I'm not asking for you all to pray that my paperwork gets approved and that my orders get changed, but I'm asking that you all will pray for the best outcome. What's best for Kite and I in the future. If Hawaii isn't the place for me, and my orders aren't changed, I can accept it if I know that many thoughts and prayers were put into the outcome. If Heavenly Father wants us apart for two years for whatever reason (or maybe somehow Kite will end up in Colorado with me?), I want to know for a surety that good will come of it, and it's for the best.

So please, pray for us.

Thanks so much for the love and support!

Please, don't be mistaken.

Just going over the blog, I was thinking that people reading this might think that it's just some overly cutesy and fluffy we're-the-perfect-couple blog. I grew up in the 90's, but most of my memories start in the late 90's, the time of chick flicks like Clueless, She's All That, 10 Things I Hate About You, and my favorite - Titanic. So my view on love and romance is a bit skewed, obviously. I didn't fall in love with my ex-step-brother, or win the heart of the most popular guy in school (or least), and Leonardo DiCaprio was definitely not pining for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: my life isn't a movie, and I'm not perfect. Life doesn't work that way.

I don't know if anyone's noticed or cared, but the entire month of June has passed away, and this is my first post of it! June has been a tough month for me, probably the toughest of all months so far. I've been pretty stressed out, irritated, Kite-sick, and crazy emotional. The only thing that's grounded me to reality has been Kite. I said that I'm not perfect, and although he's pretty darn close, I'll admit that Kite isn't perfect either. Neither is our relationship. We have problems, we disagree, I throw bratty fits, and am occasionally unnecessarily mean (notice that I'm the one being a pain in the butt). But I think the key to it all is remembering that we love each other and how much we love each other. No matter what the problem is, I think that's the thing to keep in mind for everyone. As much as Kite and I aren't perfect people, we're perfect for each other; we make it that way.

If you're going through a tough time with your significant other... just remember that you love that person (if you do). Take a moment, breathe, and humble yourself. If you love someone, please treat that person with respect. Don't put them down, don't call them names, and don't make them feel unworthy. No one is perfect - besides God, of course. Don't let something little ruin something great.

“Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.” - President Ezra Taft Benson

Happy Birthday, Honey!

I'm not typically one to always wear my emotions on my sleeve. According to Yain I always walk around with a scowl on my face. Maybe I do haha. But since today is not a typical day, atypical behavior is in order :) You see, it's the anniversary of the day that my favorite girl in the whole world was born, and I don't really feel like keeping it to myself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!

I know you're 22 years old, but this marks the first birthday that you've been more than "you". You're part of "us" now. So Happy Birthday! Here's to many more, better than the first. It tears my heart out not to be able to be with you on this day of all days. This day that's all about YOU, the amazingly wonderful woman that you are. I wish I could communicate how completely I am in love with you. I wish I could help you understand what you mean to me, and how I'd be so broken without you. I wish so much that I could make it clear that I'll never hurt you or leave you. That I'll be your rock and your anchor in this crazy world that swirls around us, threatening to break us apart. I wish there were words strong enough to say what I mean, but they just don't exist. So after so many attempts to tell you how I feel, I have to resort to the worn-out, but still not-used-enough words that we've been longing to say and hear in return since we were children. I love you. I love you, Yain. I love you.

Happy birthday, Honey. Here's to many more. No matter what else happens in between now and your 23rd, always remember that your Kite loves you. Always.